New Year is traditionally a time for looking back on the past twelve months and forward to the next year. In this post, though, I want to look back over the past twenty years. Because 2019 will mark exactly twenty years since I ‘came out’ as a spanko.
You’d think twenty years of being ‘out’ would mean twenty years of spankings, right? Especially as I’m still married to the same guy.
Well, no, actually. Of those twenty years, only four have involved spankings.
When I first told my husband about my fetish, back in 1999, we spent about a year dabbling, extremely unsuccessfully, with domestic discipline. At the time, I thought our DD failure was because he wasn’t into it. In retrospect I realise neither of us were.
All I wanted was to be spanked, something I’d fantasised about since childhood. In 1999 there wasn’t much information available online, but what there was focused on spanking within a DD relationship. Where the man was head of the household and made rules for the benefit of the relationship. And the woman submitted to those rules or got spanked (ohhh, yes!) for disobeying them.
With the benefit of hindsight, DD was not what I wanted or needed. I had no interest in being submissive. I didn’t want him to be head of the household. I just wanted spankings and thought DD was the only way to make them part of my life.
My husband humoured me for a while, but in the end told me he thought DD was a load of bollocks, and that he wasn’t doing it any more.
So that was it for DD (which I didn’t miss at all) and specifically for spankings (which I did).
Anyway, we were busy with family and work, and I accepted that spanking wouldn’t be a part of my life unless I looked for it outside our marriage – which I didn’t want to do. After Fifty Shades of Grey took off, I indulged my inner spanko by writing my own spanking stories. They were published first by the online magazine, Discipline & Desire, and then, after D&D folded, by Blushing Books.
If you’ve read this blog before, you’ll know that saleswise my spanking romances were about as successful as our attempts at DD. In 2016, as my books flopped while other authors’ spanking romances flourished, I ended up crying about it one night in bed. When my husband tried to cheer me up, I turned on him. “No wonder I can’t write successful spanking books, when I don’t have a husband who’s willing to spank me.”
“I can spank you if it’s what you really want,” he said. “If you think it’ll help.”
“But you didn’t like it before.”
“I didn’t actually dislike it…”
“But you said…”
“It was the punishment aspect I didn’t like. I didn’t think that was appropriate.”
“I’m not after punishment,” I admitted. “I don’t want rules I have to break to get spanked. I just want to be spanked.”
So we started spanking again – a little shyly and warily at first as we both figured out our needs. But we gained confidence pretty fast and the last three years have seen us have lots of fun with TTWD in a way I’d never have believed possible a few years ago.
So that’s the looking back part of my blog. Now to the looking forward.
When I decided I’d no longer be writing spanking romances, I thought I’d keep this blog going as an occasional outlet for my ‘inner spanko’. But I’ve reached the point where I’m happy enough with my spanking life that I no longer need that outlet. So, from 2019, I’ll no longer ‘be’ Bethany Leigh. I’ll keep this website and my Goodreads page, so people can find out about my books, but I shan’t be blogging, or reading and reviewing any spanking romances. It’s time for me to move on.
But before I go, a big thank you to anyone who’s ever read and commented on my blog, featured my books on their blog, or tweeted my books and posts.
And even bigger thanks to those of you who have read and reviewed my books. I’m very grateful.
I wish you all a very happy new year and hope all your spanking dreams come true. 🙂